Who I am
Welcome to my blog! My name is Beau. I am a a Social Worker with a writers brain. I have been sitting on the idea of being a blogger/writer for years. After multiple starts I have never followed through with it. My idea for this website is just as I explained. I am just writing what I feel, think and what I do with with those feelings and thoughts.
My past has had its MANY up’s and downs. One thing I have learned that has gotten me through those times, in a healthy way, was through the written word. From growing and escaping a religious cult, my battle with obesity, my coming out story and my battle with alcoholism. This has all led me to where I am now. That being: a motivated entrepreneur and content creator, musician, humble life liver, inspirational podcaster and coach and just a pretty decent person over all.
My newest spiritual awakening through the practice of Buddhism has taught me not to take life for granted and to take hold of the serenity prayer that is “Accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Though that practice I am learning a lot about peace, forgiveness and personal responsibility. Because of my cult background I have learned to not accept religion as a personal practice because from my experience, religion never allowed me to experience my higher power. I only discovered this once I left the chains of religion that held me down. I am not judgmental on anyone who chooses a religion as a personal path. Quite the opposite. I commend anyone who finds a path that leads them to contentment and happiness.
I was always over weight growing up. I realized that food could be used as a tool to help with my emotions. The problem, however, was it maid my physical health drastically declined. I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and hypertension at age 18. My higher weight was 405lbs and I felt every pound. I remember days watching “My 600lb Life” swearing that I was going to end up as one of those people. I finally said “enough is enough” and made the decision to do something about it. After dozens of failed diets I finally decided to take the leap to get gastric bypass surgery. I am so grateful for the weigh-loss team that made this a reality. I write to you today under 200lbs happy with my decision and I wouldn’t have changed it for the world.
I spent years hiding my sexuality in fear of lossed relationships and in actuality, my life. The hate that was expressed toward the LGBTQ community was scary. Actual physical threats were made and I though it was normal speech. I thought it was Gods will that all gays should burn in hell. I knew I was one myself, however, thinking that I was an abomination, so long as I didn’t act on the sin, I should be ok. My mental state later, however, crumbled under the weight of the mask and the secrets that I held on to for so long. I loss a part of me and I lost out on years of good, positive life experience for the sake of systemic homophobia. Now that my family and I escaped that life, I am trying to discover who I am as a human being, in addition to who I am as a proud Gay man. I don’t take that life experience for granted because I know that the path that I was placed on has led me to the path I am on now. For that, I couldn’t ask for anything better than a lesson learned.
As much as I dealt with food addiction, it is no surprise, with my addictive personality that alcoholism and drug abuse would later find its way into my life. The absence of food as a coping mechanism and not developing positive coping skills post surgery, led me to discover alcohol and pills as a tool for dealing with anxiety. It started out innocent at first. I would drink when I went out with friends and family, using drugs recreationally. After my first and failed relationship and COVID, led me to habitually drinking daily, using Oxycodone as a means to quit drinking, then starting to drink to get off drugs. Sometimes I would go on binges not knowing how to handle life or emotions anymore. No surprise after detox and treatment centers I discovered the years of pain that I held on to for so long. Now that I am sober and choosing to remain sober more, I am happy and more motivated to live life to its fullest. Never looking back at that dark time in my life.
2021 had a rocky start. Still dealing with a global pandemic, fresh out of treatment, changing my place of residency from middle to upstate Delaware. Life is definitely moving in a different direction from the complacent mentality I once lived in. I am undergoing a total mental, physical and spiritual overhaul. I truly believe that everything that I went through has led me to this moment. Starting this Blog, starting a Podcast, Taking my Music more serious and just living my life on my terms. I am so excited for this new path that I am taking and I am not going to stop until I can look back years later and be content with the life I have lived.