Healing and Growth: Reflecting on my journey with and after leaving the IFB Church.

For years, I sought refuge in the Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) Church, drawn by the promise of spiritual guidance and a community of faith. I longed for a deeper connection with God and believed that the IFB Church’s strict adherence to biblical teachings was the path I needed. However, my experience within this church turned out to be deeply damaging. Beneath the surface of their rigid doctrine lay a controlling environment where I was forced to hide a fundamental part of who I am—being gay.

The Pressure to Conform

In the IFB Church, there was an unspoken yet ever-present expectation to conform to a specific version of morality and gender roles. Anything that deviated from their narrow interpretation of the Bible was not only discouraged but condemned. As someone who identifies as gay, I quickly realized that my very existence was at odds with the church’s teachings.

I was taught that being gay was a sin—a choice that led only to damnation. This belief created a constant sense of fear, forcing me to hide my true identity to avoid rejection, judgment, and condemnation. In a place where I was supposed to feel accepted and loved, I felt like an outsider, constantly hiding who I truly was.

Living in Fear and Shame

The church’s stance on LGBTQ+ individuals wasn’t just strict—it was toxic. Pastors preached about the “sinfulness” of homosexuality, reinforcing the idea that people like me were inherently flawed. I was afraid of what would happen if anyone found out about my sexuality. I internalized this fear, convincing myself that my identity was wrong, sinful, and something to be ashamed of.

I prayed daily, asking God to “fix” me, believing that I had to change to be worthy of His love. But the more I tried to suppress my true self, the more disconnected I felt from both the church and my own sense of worth. This self-hatred was fueled by a constant fear of being outed, ostracized, or even publicly shamed, as I’d seen happen to others.

The Emotional Toll

The emotional toll of living in hiding was immense. The very community that should have been my support system became the source of my deepest pain. The pressure to conform to the IFB’s strict teachings made me question my worth, not just as a Christian but as a person. I was taught that God loved everyone, yet the church’s doctrine made it clear that people like me were an exception.

This experience caused long-lasting harm—eroding my self-esteem, my spiritual connection, and even my mental health. The constant shame and fear were overwhelming. I had to choose between living authentically and being part of a community that viewed me as inherently wrong.

Breaking Free

Leaving the IFB Church wasn’t an easy decision, but it was necessary for my emotional and spiritual well-being. I realized that I couldn’t continue to live a life where I had to suppress my true self. Stepping away allowed me to begin healing from the trauma of constantly hiding who I was.

Today, I am working on reclaiming my faith and my identity. I know that being gay does not make me less deserving of love or acceptance. I’ve found peace in knowing that God’s love isn’t conditional on fitting into a narrow doctrine. The journey is ongoing, but I’m finally free from the toxic environment that once made me feel like I had to choose between being myself and being loved.

In The End

My experience with the IFB Church is just one example of how religious environments that preach exclusion and judgment can deeply harm those who don’t fit into their strict molds. The church’s teachings forced me to hide a core part of who I am, leading to years of shame, fear, and emotional pain. However, stepping away from that environment has allowed me to begin healing and rediscovering my sense of worth, both as a person and in my faith. No one should have to choose between being themselves and being loved, and I hope that by sharing my story, others will find the courage to live authentically.